Its been a while since I’ve added to my little emo blog. School is driving me absolutely mad, so I thought writing about something other than how the role of sensory experiences affect the classroom, might be a nice change of pace.
I’ve had a few different topics mulling in my head about what to write. I think the one pressing on my mind the most lately has been my many different thoughts pertaining to God.
It was mid December when I first started to really think about things. Michael was at boot camp, (oh by the way since my last post we’ve gotten married) which meant I had no contact to the one person I pour everything out to, and I had a million questions racing though my head about the religion I have always practiced. I guess it just dawned on me that everything I have always accepted had never been explained in a way that was not faith based. I had always accepted that Christ was real, I had always just believed in Moses and the flood and the garden of Eden, but never actually questioned their true existence. Now I know this sounds bad, sounds as if I was denouncing the bible or whether Christ really was real but I wasn’t necessarily, I was just curious about whether biblical events had secular evidence, if that makes sense. I wanted to know whether secular Egyptian history documented the plagues, and if Genesis was written by Moses who was not alive during many of the events of that time, how Christianity is any more valid than Buddhism. If both religions begin with one man’s attained knowledge considering Siddhartha Gautama was the first ever man to know of and achieve enlightenment, just as Moses’s word is based from a direct revelation from God, both of these “starts” to religion come from the faith that something higher than these men gave them the knowledge they needed to spread the religion to the world. So this had me uneasy. I know the plagues thing seems random but it was one of the easiest examples I could think of that would most definitely be documented in secular history if it were to have really happened…I mean who wouldn’t want to remind generations down the road not to make the one mighty God unhappy or else your town will get turned into a giant “I told you I am the almighty God” session?? I would.
So okay recap, here I am, twenty years down the road of being a christian, (really like 14 spiritual years since I was saved when I was six but still), and I was just now running into questions that made me very confused and concerned and etc., and I didn’t really know where to turn. Growing up, I always tried to adopt the mindset while witnessing to someone, (witnessing: telling someone about Christ and how they could obtain salvation. Salvation: the act of accepting Christ’s self sacrifice therefore escaping eternal damnation) that if they don’t believe in Christianity they are not going to accept the bible as a valid form of information. Of course I always felt this was ludicrous because growing up in church you have heard pastors argue your whole life that the bible is an infallible source. However, as I far as I have experienced it had never been broken down in the way I was thinking like this “story” or “event” is true because it lines up with the historically accurate time periods of this ruler or another historical event that is documented outside of the bible. Disclaimer, I am only twenty one, more than a few years of growing up in church were spent playing games or memorizing verses for candy or drawing on the church pew envelopes…maybe I just missed the sermon where the pastor just broke it all down for us, but regardless I had questions!
So what did I do about all these thoughts and questions? I had dinner with a fellow christian peer at a Greek restaurant, and gave her more than an ear full of everything I thought and felt I was experiencing and sought what she had to say. My conversation with her pointed me towards the book “Case for Christ” by the author Lee Strobel. Of course I had heard of this book before considering it had been around for some time, but I never realized he had questioned and experienced many of the same thoughts that had occurred to me. This book portrays the Journey of an author who at the beginning of wanting to write this book was actually an atheist, and because he was hoping to debunk any evidence that the New Testament could be factually true without relying on faith based information set out on his quest. However, through his evidence based discoveries, he actually got saved and became a Christian because there was simply too much evidence pointing towards the fact that Christ as well as the bible is not just a man made, follower proclaimed religion. Which of course testimonies like this just blow you away.
So I decided I was going to read the book. But a week went by, then two, and I still hadn’t ordered it or read it. And then guess what, because I swear my brain never gives me a break I got to thinking again. I could read this book, written by a man, which again just about everyone asks in their lives where does man come from…and accept his explanation of why Christ is real or I could realize the stupidity of that. Why base the validity of God off of a man’s reasoning? I can’t make a man, scientists can’t make a man, no one can create matter out of absolutely nothing, and whether you believe in a deity or creation theories, both require the faith that something was created out of nothing. Why did I even think about this? Because faith! What is religion based on? It’s based on faith. Not religious? Don’t like to stress your mind about where you came from or how the earth got here? Cool. But that’s dumb. What’s the point of life then? But then I got to thinking, what would be the point of anything if you knew everything? If you knew when you were going to die and exactly how would you simply accept it? and when September 10th of whatever given year you’re supposed to fall in front of a train and die you still let yourself do it? or you try to evade it? But this evades what? A specific death? Gives you one more day until you now die in a new way? THERE ARE SO MANY QUESTIONS ONE COULD THINK ABOUT! Sorry I know the all caps is a little dramatic but really people think about these things, and you know why? It’s because there is no faith there is just lost.
So yes. I am thankful that Lee Strobel took it upon himself to research and discover the answers to the few questions burning in my mind plus a thousand more, saves me the trouble, but through all of this thinking and these questions, I realized there are even more questions to be asked as well. Like the ones of a child. How did the earth get here?Why is the sky blue? Who made puppies? Where do babies come from? All of these questions are seemingly simple but are truly “complex” in the sense that this type of thinking shows that someone is thinking! They are not going through the monotony of everyday life just accepting the unknown! Like I said before a parent could answer either way,…”well sweetie a bunch of nothing was floating around, exploded, and somehow the incredibly complex world we live in was miraculously formed”….or “a loving God created this earth for us to live on, because he wanted to be loved as well”. Yeah yeah I know when I say it that way it’s obvious which one sounds better…it sounds dumbed down right? Makes creationists sound stupid, plus I’m obviously biased because duh I am a christian right? But really, people always have questions to which more than often they seek answers. Humans have an ever constant need for evidence, validation, credibility…so my many questions I feel were quite normal. Just as any one grows up their whole lives doing something, it is more than likely that one day they will stop and say “hey, why is it I do this? or think this?” etc.
I still plan to read the book. I know I am totally dragging feet, I mean seriously I live a block away from a library! I just need to find fifteen minutes to remember to grab it. However, I no longer am reading this book for validation of my religion, or for the evidence that God is real or to know if there are pictures of flies and frogs scrolled along the pyramid walls next to giant hieroglyphs stating “God = plague”. I realized I believe God is real because there is no other logical explanation to life and because I have the faith that he is real. As I mentioned earlier about the creation theory versus the God theory pertaining to how the earth was formed, I once heard an awesome illustration of that question. Someone asked me “if all the pieces of a phone were laying separate on a table, on their own would they ever become a functioning phone?” obviously my answer was no. They then followed up with, “but would they become a phone if someone put them together?”.
Don’t get me wrong faith is a scary thing. It is absolutely terrifying at times to not have all the answers, but like I said if we knew everything what would be the point of life? I fear God tremendously, mostly in a respectful way but sometimes in the way that it just is truly crazy that someday we will get to meet the most insane form of perfection we could ever imagine. However, I find comfort in God. If all my previous questions weren’t enough there is always the question “is the devil real?” and the answer to that is oh heeeck yes. Think about what Christianity as a religion stands for even if you don’t include God to which it is supposed to be centered around. It stands for kindness and love, acceptance of the lost, comfort for the weary, aid for the troubled. Now when you think of the devil or sin what follows? Death, sickness, crimes, rape, murder, demons, pain, wickedness, sadness, suffering, all of which we experience far too much on this planet. And yes last question, why did God make this place and us and put us here to get sick, and be murdered, and experience the horrible pain of loss? Because we die, which no one can deny or escape, and in death we experience the purpose for life. Did we accept Christ? Did we live our lives reaching as many lost and weary souls as possible? Or did we harden our hearts to the possibility of Christ? Brush off any bigger thoughts of where we came from and what for, or accepted a loosely explained theory which was simply enough to get through life with? It may be cliche but this world’s not our home we’re just a passin through, (I am nervous and excited) that our treasures lay up, somewhere beyond the blue, the angels beckon me from heavens open door and I can’t feel at home in this world anymore!
Journeys to Me 