10 days

I am up tonight thinking about how I only have ten days left to live in my parents house.

I know for some this is no big deal, but luckily God has blessed me with such a great family, anytime this thought reaches my mind I kind of just cry. Not necessarily because it’s sad, it is happy in a way, I just can’t help feeling a million emotions right now. I know I will see my family, of course I will miss them like crazy for the first little while, but I’ll be okay…yes I am typing this to reassure myself…

But really, I am so thankful for my family.

I am being ridiculously sentimental. Anyone who knows me knows I am so stupidly emotional like God messed up and there is some lifeless little blob of a human out there with no emotions because He accidentally gave theirs to me! Anyways that being said I am probably blowing everything out of proportion right now but my dumb self just keeps thinking of random things I did in kindergarten, or all the times my family went to Oklahoma for the summer or how even though my brothers drive me crazy I love them. You know just every possible memory I have ever retained from my childhood which at the moment feels like I am just wrapping up and throwing in the trash! …but I’m not. I feel like a giant child actually because of how silly I am being. This happens, people grow up. It probably doesn’t help that for the past three years of my life I virtually have only ever hung out with my family. I have had random friends here and there, but really, truly, I have been a complete fam bam kinda gal, so yeah.

Anyways, slightly new topic. I am also realizing that I am terrified. Of what you may ask? Ohhh just the fact that for the first time in my life I won’t have my dad down the hall which I guess in my mind is kind of like a superhero or something because I am confident he will beat up the bad guys that happen to beat down the door of our quiet residential neighborhood in the middle of the night that come to kill us in our sleep. I am joking. But seriously, I have done many things alone, and I would consider myself pretty independent but I guess just the idea of separation sucks. My new motto is “He has not given you the spirit of fear”, which I know is true. And as morbid as it is I always think that I’m not going to die unless God wants me to so I will at least be okay until then, whenever that may be. No but really, I know I will be okay…I have Michael, this is how life goes…and he is a light sleeper luckily (new bad guy killer).

I am being ridiculous. I look awful. My eyes are puffy, my skin is blotchy, my breathing at least has returned to a normal pace that doesn’t sound like a chubby kid on a treadmill. I am going to be okay.

I guess though (not really “I guess”, I know I am), very lucky to have such a wonderful family..AND such a wonderful husband and opportunity to experience new things. Since for some reason now it is just hitting me though about my final ten days, I want to try to enjoy them. It is easy to feel like nothing is going to change so you treat it like a normal day until bam it’s just time to leave but I want to at least try not to do that.

My little sister came in my room today asking if the shirt I gave her fit good. Then five minutes later she returned to see if the shoes she picked matched the shirt. Two more minutes my door was flying back open and I hear…”and Aly what should I do with my hair?”…to which my response was, “Ava, aren’t you just going to school? Has something changed at school? Is the president coming???”. Yes I realize I am the worst. And even though I had a frustrating day and I had to pause my Kdrama in the middle of Jin-a and Jun-hui breaking up!!! (seriously omg, my heart was so sad for them)……I was like wait, you know how many times Ava is going to come in my room and ask for fashion advice after next Saturday…never. Again cue the tears. BUT IT’S OK!

I am also excited for what is to come. I am excited for our first apartment, I am excited to get a dog, eventually have a baby, travel, try different food, etc. you get the point. Lord willing Michael and I have long happy lives together.

Okay! Done being sad, only big happy smiles! The wedding is in ten days(:

I will update once we reach Corpus!